While Yoko Ono Gently Weeps

The music world is in shock after the home of Yoko Ono, widower of former Beatle John Lennon was robbed last Friday, one day before her deceased husband would have celebrated his 70th birthday.

John Lennons 70th birthday celebrations were soured by this brutal attack

The robbery took place at Ono’s family home in New York, late Friday night. Police say the perpetrator broke into the house through the bathroom window. Once inside the thief proceeded to steal five million dollars worth of jewellery and artwork. However in a bizarre turn of events the burglar left Ono’s house and waited outside until police arrived. Once the police turned up, the intruder started throwing the belongings he had just stolen back at the house he had just robbed. Police estimate he hit the house with $4 million worth of jewellery, while a rare painting worth $1 million completely missed the house and hit a wall beside it.

Yoko Ono in her family home, looking mournful

A doorman at an adjacent building yelled out to him as the police grew near “Do you know what you’ve done?” to which the robber replied “Yes, I just robbed Yoko Ono”

The man, identified later as American tax collector Michael Derek Cutesman, who was found with nothing on his person but a Hawaiian drivers licence and a copy of writer J.D. Salingers autobiography. After being apprehended by police it was discovered that Cutesman had a hit list of celebrities homes he planned to invade, included on the list were talk show host David Letterman, Newsreader John Beard, and actor Brad Pitt. It was also discovered that he had been patrolling the Ono household for weeks before the robbery, and even got Yoko Ono’s autograph days before his break in.

This is how the arrest would have looked if any cameras had been on the scene

A Criminal psychologist for the New York police after studying the case stated that “he wanted to get caught, he wanted the attention, he wanted to be known as the man that robbed Yoko Ono”. All of the stolen possessions have been returned to Mrs. Ono in their original condition, and Mr. Cutesman has admitted his crime, but has also taken the insanity plea. A notion that New York Police state they will challenge with all available resources.

This has been another exclusive bought to you by the Totem Pole

Written by Matt Booth